SCENE 4
Same place.
SERVANT: If you please, Privy Counsellor – there’s one of them here.
NEPALLEK: One of what?
SERVANT (embarrassed): From the Archduke’s – the other side.
NEPALLEK (imperiously): Now, now, now, there is no other side! Those days are over! But didn’t I tell you that if any of them came here –
SERVANT: I’m sorry – he says it’s only a question.
NEPALLEK: I’d love to know what’s left to question, bring him in.
(Servant off.)
SCENE 5
(An old valet of the deceased Archduke appears.)
NEPALLEK (hisses at him from behind): What do you want?
VALET: At your service, gracious Privy Counsellor, sir – what it is – I know that in this respect – under the circumstances – I mean unless –
NEPALLEK: I want to know what you’re after!
VALET: Regarding the misfortune, the great misfortune, gracious Privy Counsellor, sir – since I did serve once under his Imperial Highness – of such blesséd name – under Archduke Ludwig[1], God rest his soul –
NEPALLEK: So, in a word, you’re an out-of-work valet – well, my friend, you can put any idea I’m giving away jobs right out of your head!
VALET (tearful): No, Privy Counsellor – no, Privy Counsellor, sir –
NEPALLEK: Come on, you’re trying to push your luck, aren’t you?
VALET: No, Privy Counsellor, sir – I wouldn’t dream – I wouldn’t –
NEPALLEK: Then what else is it you want?
VALET: It’s not that – it’s true he was a demanding master – very – and very strict – but – such a fine prince – and – you see –
NEPALLEK: My dear fellow, don’t give me any more of your cock-and-bull stories – just tell me what you want!
VALET: I want nothing, Privy Counsellor, nothing, nothing at all – only to speak – only to say – a few words – before his remains, one last time –
NEPALLEK (voice raised): Absurd! Do you think I’m in the business of making appointments on behalf of a corpse? No, is that understood!
(Alerted by noise, Prince Montenuovo[2] rushes in, distorted with rage.)
SCENE 6
MONTENUOVO: What’s this? Ah, there’s one of them now! Clear off! None of you will find a position here, so scram, now, and double quick!
VALET (with great astonishment): I – have never been – my God – but I am at your service, of course, Your gracious Highness – (Off.)
SCENE 7
MONTENUOVO: Privy Counsellor, this isn’t some refuge for the homeless – I have seized the initiative now, and – I will have order!
NEPALLEK: Your Highness can rely on it – it won’t happen again, the man only wanted –
MONTENUOVO: It’s all the same to me. Not a single one of those mugs from the Belvedere Palace[3] gets a job here – Right, how many invitations have been sent out now?
NEPALLEK: Forty-eight.
MONTENUOVO: What? What are you talking about?
NEPALLEK: Oh, excuse me, a thousand pardons, I was thinking about tomorrow evening, the party afterwards. For the funeral, just twenty-six.
MONTENUOVO: Well, you can strike out six more! (Off.)
NEPALLEK: Yes, sir! (Sits at the desk again.)
SCENE 8
Prince Weikersheim[4], close behind him the servant.
SERVANT: Please your Highness, I have the strictest orders –
PRINCE WEIKERSHEIM: You’ve got what? Orders? What do you mean? Does one have to make an appointment? (Servant off. Nepallek stays at his desk, without looking up. The prince, after a moment.) You! (After another pause, louder) You! What – is going on here? (Shouting) Stand up!
NEPALLEK (turns his head casually): Good afternoon, good afternoon.
PRINCE WEIKERSHEIM (after a moment of speechless astonishment): What – is this? So – prompt! (With emphasis) Do you know who I am?
NEPALLEK: Well, what is it then, what is it then, and of course I know, you are the recently princified Baron Bronn von Weikersheim.
PRINCE WEIKERSHEIM: And you are – your servant is your better!
(Off, slamming the door.)
SCENE 9
NEPALLEK: (Convulsive laughter. The telephone rings): Your most obedient servant, Excellency, immediately – (Montenuovo sticks his head in, instantly Nepallek swivels round) At your command, Your Highness –
(Change.)
[1] Karl Ludwig (1833-1896), younger brother of Franz Josef; after Archduke Rudolf’s death he became heir to the throne but renounced his claim in favour of his son, Franz Ferdinand.
[2] Prince Alfred Montenuovo, prince (1854-1927), Lord Steward of the Royal Household, a powerful influence on Franz Josef, a bitter and long-standing opponent of Franz Ferdinand.
[3] Palace built by Prince Eugen of Savoy in Vienna, early 18th century. It housed the extensive imperial art collection, and had also been Archduke’s Franz Ferdinand’s home in Vienna.
[4] Karl Ernst Bronn von Weikersheim, prince (1862-1925), soldier, statesman, ennobled by Franz Josef in 1911, close friend and supporter of Franz Ferdinand, at one time his adjutant, destined for high office in a new regime; the job he would probably have got is, of course, the one now occupied by Nepallek. Admiral Horthy (Regent of Hungary 1920-1944) describes him, when they were both aides-de-camp to Franz-Josef, as living ‘a singularly happy life’ (at least until 1914). Weikersheim had an English grandmother; his father had married a commoner (a butcher’s daughter apparently). Ernst von Bülow, one-time German imperial chancellor, says with an undisguised sneer: ‘His father married a woman whose cradle, as the Socialist ditty prettily puts it, “had stood in the poor man’s house”…’ He was decidedly anti-German; von Bülow also calls him ‘exaggeratedly yellow-black’ (i.e. pro-Austria-Hungary)’.
The Last Days of Mankind 